Why Do Guys Don’t Last Long in Bed? (Helping Guide)

Can I ask you a painful question? How long does your sex last?

It’s ok if you don’t want to answer.

But let me reassure you – half of the male population is in the same boat as you. The most popular response to a Reddit poll on “how long does your sex normally last” was 1-2 minutes.

Hi, I’m Mike. I’m an ex-pornstar. It was my job to have sex for 30, 40, or even 60 minutes straight. Nobody is born with such endurance. I share everything I know in this Secrets to Lasting Longer guide. 

Overview

Not lasting long enough in bed to satisfy your partner is not only frustrating but can also be embarrassing. In short, it can make your sexual experience extremely unpleasant. Sex is supposed to be exciting and fun instead of turning out to be a disappointment. 

There are several reasons why you might be having difficulties lasting in bed. The issues can range from psychological problems like performance anxiety to medical conditions like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. 

In fact, one in every ten men has trouble lasting in bed for the actual time they would have liked.

Men often tend to be embarrassed talking about premature ejaculation. However, it is important to recognise that this is not an uncommon problem. You can deal with PE through various types of methods. 

This article will answer all your questions regarding PE. We will also address the causes of this disorder and explore the various treatment options available for you. 

Why are you not lasting long in bed?

Sex is a two-way street and should be satisfactory for both parties involved. 

The average length that it takes for a man to ejaculate after penetration ranges from five to ten minutes. Whereas most women claim they need a minimum of 15 minutes to climax. 

No man wants to end up saying sorry after failing to last long enough. So why does it happen? There can be a lot of reasons why you aren’t able to prevent early ejaculation. 

It can be due to medical reasons like PE, or it can result from various other factors, including using the wrong techniques. 

What is Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation is any instance where a man expels or ejaculates sperm faster than they would have liked to. It basically refers to incidents when you end up climaxing before the desired time. 

The good news is that you aren’t alone. PE happens to be one of the most common sexual dysfunction amongst men. Premature ejaculation has a prevalence rate of 30% worldwide. In newer trends, men are experiencing PE long before they even hit their 30s. 

Premature Ejaculation (PE) can be a huge personal ordeal. Thomas J. Walsh, a urologist at the University of Washington, states that “PE is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life”. 

But telling your partner that PE is a common disorder won’t really solve the problem at hand. You also need to provide them with a viable solution. 

It might sound hopeless, but rest assured understanding the cause behind your PE will help you get the right treatment

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What are the causes of Premature Ejaculation?

The exact cause behind PE is unknown at this point. Initially, doctors believed that premature ejaculation was the result of psychological disorders. But now, they have concluded that PE can also be an accumulation of various biological and environmental problems. 

Psychological reasons

  • Poor body image 
  • Sexual abuse 
  • Performance anxiety 
  • Worrying about PE
  • Early sexual experiences 
  • Experiencing emotions like guilt 

Other factors

  • Erectile Dysfunction: Some men might be suffering from ED, a disorder in which they fail to get or maintain an erection. This leads to anxiety and might convert into a pattern of premature ejaculation. 
  • Performance anxiety: The pressure of trying to last in bed and “perform” can lead to a lot of stress. You might get into your head too much and ejaculate prematurely. 
  • Emotional issues: If you have experienced satisfying sexual relationships in the past, but now you are facing an increased frequency of PE with your current partner, then maybe your interpersonal problems are influencing your erection. 
  • Abnormal hormone levels: A decline in testosterone levels, the primary male hormone, also increases the chances of premature ejaculation. Low hormone levels can also affect your stamina, endurance and lower your sex drive substantially. 

How do you know if you have PE?

Now, the real question is, how fast is too fast? How do you know that you are ejaculating more quickly than at the normal time?

A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that the overall median time for ejaculation was 5.4 minutes. This research observed 500 heterosexual couples who used stopwatches to time male ejaculation from the moment of penetration. 

Most guys don’t last that long. The New Republic asserts that most guys last for about two minutes, which is too speedy for an average woman to climax.  

As a thumb of the rule, if you routinely ejaculate within one minute of penetration, then you can be diagnosed with premature ejaculation. Early ejaculation is especially frustrating because it feels like you have no control over your body. 

The harder you try to control it, the more anxiety you might develop and inadvertently end up hastening your ejaculation time. So how can you combat this problem without affecting your health?

We will let you in the secrets of controlling your PE through both medical and natural ways. 

What are the treatment options for PE?

Image source: Freepik

The treatment options for early ejaculation depends on the cause behind the disorder. These can include counselling, exercises, and medications. Your doctor might also suggest trying one method in adjunct to another for the maximum benefit.

Natural Remedies: 

There are several physical techniques that you can try alone or with your partner to deal with PE.

  • Squeeze therapy: Stimulate your penis close to the point of orgasming, then gently squeeze the head of your male organ for about 30 seconds. 

This will result in you losing your erection. Repeat this technique a couple of times until you gain control in delaying your orgasm.

  • Distract yourself: If you feel that you are nearing orgasming, then a good method of preventing that is by thinking about something non-sexual. 

Focus on naming things like remembering your favourite soccer players. This will help help you in delaying your orgasm to some extent.

  • Counselling: Your urologist will guide you towards a therapist if the cause behind your PE is emotional or psychological. 

These issues include depression, performance anxiety, relationship issues or stress. Dealing with your mental health can be a crucial tool in getting rid of PE. 

  • Pace Yourself: Rapid thrusting in one position results in early ejaculation. Learn to pace yourself using different sex positions. During sexual intercourse, take time to switch positions. 

This provides some time-off to your penis from constant sexual stimulation and hence delays your orgasm. You can also try some of the wilder sex positions that require more technique. 

Your focus on the process and balance will divert your attention for the physical stimulation. This will also help you spice things up in the bedroom and increase the intensity of your climax. 

  • Sex positions that help you last longer: Try positions like CAT that only allow shallow penetration. The Coital Alignment Technique will enable you to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during penetration. 

Your partner should lie down comfortably in a missionary position. The penetrating partner shifts forwards so their penis presses against their partner’s pelvis.

  • Strengthen your pelvic floor: You might have heard about kegel exercises used to strengthen the pelvic floor. To identify your pelvic muscles, try using them to lift your testicles without using your hands. 

Once you learn how to contract and expand your muscles, tighten them and hold them for 10 seconds. Practice it in sets of 10. This will help you last longer in bed, and you can practice it anywhere. 

Medications:

  • Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs): These PE medications are prescription drugs that help in delaying ejaculation.

Priligy is an SSRI medication that you can take one to three hours before sexual intercourse. This helps in controlling your ejaculation and delays it to some extent. 

Drugs like Sertraline and Paroxetine have also shown positive effects in delaying the ejaculation time. These medications are essentially antidepressants that delay ejaculation as a side effect. 

  • PhosphoDiesterase-5 Inhibitors: Some medications that are used to treat Erectile Dysfunction also help in premature ejaculation. Drugs like Sildenafil, Tadalafil or Vardenafil work well in adjunct to SSRIs and help in controlling PE. 
  • Analgesics: Tramadol is a medication that is used to treat pain. A side effect of Tramadol is a delay in ejaculation time. If SSRIs haven’t worked well for you, then your doctor can prescribe Tramadol to you. 

Final Take:

Premature ejaculation is a prevalent sexual disorder that most men face at some point in their lives. Experiencing frequent PE is embarrassing and can play a detrimental role in your relationship. 

However, opening up about PE and asking for help is the best way of combating early ejaculation. Try talking to your partner and consult a doctor to determine the best course of treatment for you. Asking for help is the first step towards treating your problem. 

You can try various simple techniques that will help you master the art of controlling ejaculation.

 If you have PE due to medical reasons, prescription medications can help you get back to a healthy sexual life. Using one or more methods is an excellent way of managing premature ejaculation. 

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